It's 2:00am, including your pre-gaming ritual you've been drinking since 9:00 and you've consumed enough alcohol to keep you drunk well into your 10:00 class tomorrow morning. The bar closed and you're slowly stumbling back to your dorm room. You reach into your purse and pull out your phone. The question is who ya gonna call??? The way I see it every girl has her likely suspects, some more dangerous than others.
"Partner In Crime" .This is the most frequent, and often the first drunk dial (as there tend to be multiple). She's your friend who would run through the streets naked with you, if you suddenly decided to go streaking. She's the girl who dared you to do five shots of tequila in a row, and then beat you by doing six. The call to her is usually brief and includes screaming and a recap of how much you drank, followed quickly by "why the hell didn't you come out with us." Overall, it's a harmless call and appreciated by both parties involved.
"Forgotten Friend" Remember that person you were friends with in high school that you haven't talked to since freshman year? As you come upon the name in your phone book it seems like nothing more than an absolutely brilliant idea to call him or her, and you marvel at why you haven't called them before. The phone rings, and you hear a groggy/angry "hello." You scream a traditional, hey what's up or the effectively equal, "what's going on." The voice on the other end doesnt seem to understand the pure genius of this call though, and questions, "who is this?" You become slightly offended that they don't still have your number in their phone, but start to recount memories from high school, hoping that they'll be able to guess. When you pause to take a breath, about two minutes later, you realize they hung up.
"Best Gay-Pal" While not all girls are lucky enough to have a BGP, they are great for drunk dials, in addition to dispensing valuable fashion advice. Much like the "partner in crime" they genuinely appreciate the screaming and recap of the nights festivities, and if making multiple dials, this is a good follow-up to the failed "forgotten friend" call. But the danger here is that the call may leave you unsatisfied, as gay-pals often do. This, in turn leads to some of the more dangerous dials.
"Random Hook-Up Guy" No explanation needed here. Whether you met him at a party or he's the senior down the hall, he's "that guy." The one you know better than to consider dating, but he serves his purpose. The call to him wouldn't win a Pulitzer Prize for it's dialogue, but I imagine (ok, I know) it goes something like this
Guy: Hey, what's up?
You: Not much, just got back from the bar.
Guy: That's cool.
You: You busy?
Guy: Eh not really.
You: Can I come by?
Guy: Ya, sure.
And scene. It's simple, to the point, and like the hook-up, serves its purpose. Guys generally keep their responses to less than three syllables, in hopes that the girl won't wake up and realize what she's doing (although for the most part, we girls know exactly what we're doing). The danger with this drunken phone call, however, is if you in a stupor confuse this guy as something more than just sex and dump all your emotional baggage from your previous relationship on him. This is a BAD idea. This is a worse idea than Brittney Spears having a child. Baggage equals crazy, and crazy equals no more random hook-up guy. Keep that in mind.
"Ex-Boyfriend who you hate more than life itself but still want to make jealous/hook-up with" This is the worst drunk dial of ALL. This is the dial that if you have a friend who truly cares about you, she will drag you to the ground and pry the phone out of your fingers to keep you from calling him. If, however, you sneak off to some deserted corner of a party and call him when no one's looking, don't say that I didnt warn you. The dynamics of the conversation often vary, but 9 times out of 10 it will end poorly for you (ok, so I didnt any actual research, but Im Jane College, I just know this shit). The worst is when youre so drunk that you dont even realize you called him until the next morning when you check your phone. You get that feeling of impeding doom. You now have to decide whether or not an apology phone call is required. You call all your friends asking if they remember anything. You start to sweat and your heart pounds. You imagine the scenarios, maybe he didn't pick up or what if you left a voicemail message? It's not a good situation, but take heed, and let me save you hours of torment. This is someone you should NEVER drink and dial. In fact, why do you still have his number in your phonebook??? Let go already!
There are of course alternative versions of the drunk dial, such as drunk texting, durnkk IMnig (drunk IMing), but I believe the principles remain the same. So go out there, have fun, but be careful who you talk to at the end of the night.
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